Toi et Moi: shut your brain off and do what you love

Today, I realized something.. well it's not really new to me. But the thing is, I learned something out of the way that I am? p.s: by now you probably noticed how much I suck in explaining stuff, didn't you? haha, anyways... Back to the point! I always had this problem of allowing my brain to get the best of me. Just letting it take over me and go with it.. rambling about how I'm never good enough for anyone, how I tend to give up on the ones who love me, how I'm fat and out of shape, etc... but then at some point life slapped me in the face and said: "Young girl, be grateful for what you have. Things were always okay, it's just your brain messing with you." And to be honest, I do believe that it's all my brains fault. Nothing was wrong, I never pushed away anyone (or maybe I did) but the reason behind it was over thinking, it WAS my brain. I'm NOT fat (yeah I'm jiggly) but I'm still an average person. So today's word of wisdom is "shut your brain off and do what you love."

Toi et Moi

Hello,
whoever is reading this let's just say that I was busy with life & what's going on around me. Sinking day by day in to my own black hole that I forgot about the one thing that kept me going.. my own little piece of heaven; this blog. It doesn't really matter if other people read it or didn't because to me this place is the space where I get to be me and just set my thoughts free. I've been thinking about this for a while and I thought why not just give it a shot? If you're wondering what 'it' is.. it's me writing about my experiences and what I've been through. But of course not all of the events that are going to be mentioned will be based on true stories or facts. It's sort of like a mix and match of reality and dreams. Here we go...




My name is Maryam, I'm the youngest in my family. People describe me as a petite person but I don't really view myself that way. Yeah I'm short but I AM NOT PETITE. Petite people are thin, and I AM NOT thin. I have an average body, long black hair, and dark brown eyes. That's about it for my physical features. I see myself as a messed up person with a twisted mind. But I'd like to think that I've done good to the world. At least that's how I'd like to be remembered. I'm an insecure person, but I don't really like to talk about it. Sometimes I do.. it depends on who I'm talking to though. It breaks Shahad's heart though when I talk about myself in a pessimistic matter though. Shahad is my childhood friend, the one that I grew up with, and shared all my bittersweet memories with. She has short brown hair, a filled body and a slightly tanned skin and a spirit that everyone would KILL to have. She was there through it all- the good days and the bad ones. And to me she's the one I'd chose over everyone else. To sum it all up let's just say that she's fierce like a lion, but delicate as a butterfly. When she loves someone, she fucking loves them. She'll be there for them, no matter what happens. She will ALWAYS be there. No matter what. And that's what I love about her. Although I spent almost all of my life with Shahad there's a part of me that she didn't get to meet yet, I guess it's because that everyone knows a little part of me. No one really got to me as a whole, I don't think they ever will. It's too risky to be fully exposed to someone. Why? Because if someone knows everything about you, they can easily break you. And honestly, I don't want to be broken.. and I'm sick of being hurt. So I'll just learn from my mistakes that I'll share with you in the upcoming posts and hope you get something out of it.

alteration makes change sound sweet..

They say change is constant. But change isn't necessary good. And you know what sucks about change? There's no going back. You can never be the person who you used to be. You can never go back to the way it was- there's no going back to that. You can't go back to something that you "used to have." You can't gain something that you had. You can't have the capability of making someone laugh, when you can't even laugh.. because you changed. Nothing will ever the same & it's all because of fucking change. To make the case even worse, even when you're trying to change yourself.. it doesn't happen in a blink of an eye, it takes a hell lot of time to do that. Sometimes, a year isn't enough. So cheers, for a new year, a new phrase, new perspective and change.

you give me feelings that i adore

I need you more than you know, I'm not letting go. No matter what happens I'll always hold on to you. I'll do that because you do something to me that I can't explain. One look, is all it to send me in to another galaxy. You make me feel things that I never want to forget. You have a great affect on me. Even though I don't see you everyday, but you still do. It seems like I'm rambling now. But I swear you've got it all. It's like when I'm with you, there's NOTHING we can't do. When I'm with you, I'm the best version of me. Simply because you bring out the best of me.

may this day brightens your life

I've got a friend that no one has.
I've got a friend that will always be mine.
Unlike the others, she listens to what I say,
She makes me feel better every single day.
I can't explain the sensation that hits me,
whenever I see her wonderful face.
I smile naturally whenever I see her,
I smile because I know it'll be okay.
Whenever I have her by my side,
I feel warm and I feel safe.
Her hugs are the most
comforting. She's
my gift from
Allah.

note: This post is dedicated to a very special friend. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I'm blessed to have you in my life. I am very thankful that I have you in my life. This is your day, make the best of it. Happy birthday, may your dreams come true with every blink that you do.

always & forever

I got three friends, that I can rely on,
I got three friends who know me well.
We're not friends, we're sisters.
"Friends are the family that you chose to be with."
I believe that we'll always be together.
; we'll always be friends forever.

riddle of the minds

If only I can read your mind,

I promise everything would be fine.

I'll do my best to make you smile,
walk a thousand miles just to make you feel fine.
If you only knew what my heart holds,
why am I feeling so cold?
; I guess this is just a riddle,
that I will never know how to solve.